Perhaps some of you, my readers, have heard of "Dave Ramsey," who has a radio-talk-show, which is a show on the radio that he talks on. He is a "money-planner," which means that he "plans money." Well, I have had some pressuring concerns in this area, concerns that were recently obliterated when my debt was likewise taken care of; and, as he celebratories those people who have paid off their debt and dues, I thought to myself, "Self," I thought, "there is no better way to celebratory the ending of financial ruination than by calling this radio-talk-show and announcing to one, all, and the world, that I myself am free of all debt!" And so, thusfollowing, is a transcription of my telephone call.
Dave: Hello, this is Dave Ramsey here at Financial Peace Plaza, I have on the line with me ... um ... Minerva Giderva from Austin, Texas; Minerva, how are you doing today?
Minerva: Well, hello and salutatory, Dave Ramsey! I am calling precisely because I am doing quite well, indeed, and I shall soon share with you exactly the reason for this general good spirits!
D: Um, that's good, Minerva ... so, how can I help you?
M: Well ... it's kind of a long story with no regard to time, so I do hope you are sitting down, because --
D: Um, Minerva, sorry to interrupt, but just so you know there is a time constraint so we ask you to please keep your calls brief and to the point so we will be able to address other calls as well.
M: Well, I was getting to that briefly! As I was saying ... where was I? Ah, yes, my congratulatory actions! You see, it all began when the summer I was eleven ... or was it twelve? Or perhaps I was nine, when I first was turned onto the paths of felines, such that --
D: So, Minerva, why exactly did you call today?
M: Well, you see, I have recently become DEBTICATION-FREE!
D: Um ... that's great! How much debt have you paid off?
M: It all started three weeks ago, when I was sitting near my kitchen table -- my kitchen table, oddly enough, because ordinaryilly I would have been sitting at my dining table, which is in the next room over, because that is where I keep the (excuse my language) litter boxes. My cat Mopsy, a lovely little kitten of about six years, was sitting in my lap and I was petting her head when suddenly she began to mew. It sounded like --
D: So what was the debt that you paid off?
M: -- and then of course I realized that she was hungry! But underfortunately, I was all out of artichoke-salmonella fruitcake, which is my speciality, you know, and there simply wasn't time to make another! Well, there was only one thing reminiscient to do, and that was to get to the store. So that is what I did! I put Mopsy in my tote bag, slung her over my shoulder, and whizzed out to the store.
D: Minerva, we are running short of time so I will need you to --
M: Oh, goodness, I am simply de-tailing the most excitable part! Where was I? Oh goodness, I believe I have forgotten, and so because of your interrupture, we are actually worse than when we begun! Anywhichway, when I got to the store I rolled up and down the aisles until I found what I was looking for: two cans of anchovy sauce, three sausages, a pizza crust, a banana, and a can of cat food (for my afternoon snack you know) and then I went up to the registrationer to pay for the total. Well, the totally came to six dollars and three cents, but I only had brought with me six dollars! Now, as you can imagine, I was quite under-helmed at this news, but I --
Automated Voice: Hello, and thank you for calling Dave Ramsey. We regret to inform you that we have cut short your phone call. Have a nice day!
M: -- I glanced over and there, on the counter, was a "Take A Penny - Leave A Penny" jar! As I'm sure you can imagination, my relief was imminent! So I took the three pennies and purchased my food, and then went upon my way. After returning home, however, I realized to my immense dissatisfaction that, althoughforthwith I had taken a penny (or three pennies to be precisely), I had neglected to leave a penny! My horror was great, as I was assure that my credit would now be in ruination. So, I immediate left to the store, and when I arrived I walked carefully into such the store, and I saw that no one was near. I walked up to the counter and with sweaty palms -- I left three pennies! Grately relievified, I promptily exited the store, and then walked straight home to call you and explain my enormouse relief! So, I am sure that you will be just as pleasured as I at this great news, of myself becoming DEBT-FREE! ...Hello? Dave? Hello? Oh goodness, the line was cut short, I had better call again. Goodbye!
Friday, September 9, 2011
"Dear Nerva"
This typo was founded in my "comments" by me, and it was sent by a dear friend, Izzy McFizzy. I quitely hope that this letter, and the response that it produces by via of me, shall be of help and assistance.
Hopefully this has been of helpfulness to both Izzy, Kootsy, and my faithfulsome readers!
Dearest erva,
I must humbubly ask your advice on a most serious matter. It may be a life or death situation for my poor carpet. My feline cat Kootsy has become kwite lonley. He loves ripping out the carpet mostly on the upperstory of my house. do you have any suggestions on how to stop this behavior? I don't know if it has any thing to do with his lonelyousness or if it mearly an out put of self expresion.
Insanely,
Izzy mcfizzy
Well, quite clearly this is problem! Obviousitrocity, Kootsy is desirous of having the area that he has chosen as his home without carpet. This is called by those of my professionality as "excessive home-remodelation disorder." I suggest the following stepstools for you to follow after:
1. Re-organdize the upperstory of your lovely home into a more homely atmospheric, suchlike that the cat Kootsy might be more persuadable to not rip the carpet.
2. If the behavioral continuities, remove all such carpet and otherwise from the upperstory.
3. If this solutable does not work, then very carefully sit down with Kootsy and talk with him, so that he may understand your feelings. Your conversation might go something like this:
You: Kootsy, I understand that you might be slightly lonely in your solitude. Is this correct?
Kootsy: MROOW [at this point in the conversation, you should begin to take notes, to better understand his feelings and to be able to study further at a later notice)
You: Kootsy, I understand. I feel greatly for you. Is there anything I can do for you?
Kootsy: purrpurr
You: Oh, Kootsy, I'm so sorry.
Kootsy: mew?
You: Kootsy, of course. I will do anything for you.
Kootsy: meooow
You: Oh goodness, Kootsy, I had no idea! Of course I will, immediately!
Kootsy: (scratching)
You: Darling Kootsy, I am so sorry that you have had to go through this. I will do everything within my possibilities to make your life better.
Kootsy: (walks away)
You: Oh, Kootsykitty, I am so glad that we have had this opportune to get to know each other better!
At this point, you may wish to review your notes of the conversation, and, quite immediately, begin to do as he has said.
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