"Dear Nerva"

I recently re-discovered this letter again, reading forthwith:

Dear “Nerva”: Excellent advice! I'm hoping you can help me, too. My cat and I faithfully read your blog web biannually. Whoever, we have a problem in that my feline friend has become quite jealous of a certain mustachioed kitty whose photo graces your site. My cat very much wishes to immolate this highly dapper fellow, but he has no ‘stache. How do we resolve this “hairy” situation? (Get it? Hairy!) Thanks, Your Biggest Fans

Oh my! I appearance to have two to three secret admirerers, in the form of My Biggest Fans! A mysterious event, indeed...but excuse me, I digest.

Well, the problem/issue brought to me to be resolved today, is that my Biggest Fan's cat is jealous of a certain cat, namely, the following:

I can quite see why any cat would wish to immolate him! He is, indeed, dapper, with a mouse-tache that is the envy of all. For the sake of simplicity, and privacy, we will all this dashing creature "Horatio."

My Biggest Fans also sent me a picture of his cat, the cat mentioned in the above missile that addresses this issue. The picture is:

We shall call this cat "Bob." He clearly yearns to be just like his hero, Horatio, but clearly his facial-hair growth is not, precisely, up to catscratch. My advice, however, will solve all such problems.

You see, what Bob wants is a mousestache. So, my recommendation is to give it to him in a way that he will be sure to depreciate. And what way is that? Oh, friends, read on.

As a quick recap: Horatio has a mouse-stache. Bob wants a mouse-stache. So, the conclusion?

Give Bob a mouse-stache! There are two options: the milk "mouse-stache," pictured below:

(The above is a rendition of what Bob would appear to look like if he donned the milk mouse-stache apparel)

The other option, of course, is the more traditional mouse-stache, pictured beneath:

While it may be a little obvious, the mouse-stache works wonders on a cat's self-esteem. (Note: mouse must be replenished often).

Well, my biggest fans, I do hope that you have found this web-log posting helpful, and I wish Bob best of luck developing his mouse-stache!